R.F.K. Jr.’s Brain Worm Speaks Out

A lot of people have been wondering what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. can possibly be thinking, and I can say with confidence that no one is better positioned to offer an answer than I am.

Yes, I am the worm.

Until now I’ve kept a low profile. But the false and vicious rumors about my supposed demise and Kennedy’s ungracious threat to invite more brain worms into what is clearly occupied territory have forced me to speak out. It is true, as Kennedy has indicated, that I ate a portion of his brain, but that is perfectly normal parasitic behavior. And despite what his doctor might have told him, I am alive and thriving and ready to let my feelings be known.

I know what you’re thinking. Since I ate part of the brain and live within it, I must be just a shill for Kennedy, somehow complicit in his political ambitions. Implicit in all the gossip about me was that I somehow contributed to Kennedy’s erratic behavior and outlandish beliefs.

Sure, blame the worm.

I can’t say I was surprised by the vitriol directed at me on social media, the scapegoating and targeting. It’s always the most vulnerable who are subjected to the most outrageous and self-righteous attacks.

These allegations couldn’t be further from the truth. The portions of Kennedy’s brain that I ate were entirely related to his early environmental activism. I ate the entire Riverkeeper archives and took particular care to include that hullabaloo over his hiring of a rare bird egg smuggler and tax evader to help the group monitor New York City’s compliance with certain environmental standards.

“I am just appalled,” Robert Boyle, Riverkeeper’s former president and founder, told The Times. “It was imprudent, reckless and irresponsible of Bobby to hire him. And he didn’t have the right. I do the hiring and firing.”